


Running away is easy

by MementoIssy



Category: Original Work
Genre: Angst, F/F, F/M, Fluff and Angst, Original Character(s), Original Fiction
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-11-21
Updated: 2016-11-21
Packaged: 2018-09-01 07:52:23
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,388
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8615782
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MementoIssy/pseuds/MementoIssy
Summary: They are best friends. One of them might be too wrapped into her carrier, other might be too wrapped into her friend.It's a bad summary.





	

Prologue:

 

The ground was warm and sticky under her fingertips; she could feel the moist sand. Her eyes hurt, and she could barely move her hands, but she managed to pull one up in the air and observe the liquid on it. Blood was all over a dirty palm. And that’s when it hit her, the pain, the memory of the blast, noise, people yelling, objects flying. The light was hurting her eyes, so she kept them closed, trying to busy her brain with something other than the pain that was taking over her body.    

 

**PART 1:**

**[Sophia 5:02AM]** Are you asleep?

 **[Dana 5:04AM]** Just woke up, why are you awake this early?

 **[Sophia 5:05AM]** Couldn’t sleep…

 **[Dana 5:07AM]** Want to come over? I’ll make breakfast

 **[Sophia 5:08AM]** Well, technically its second dinner for me ;)

 **[Dana 5:08AM]** So that’s a YES?

 **[Sophia 5:09AM]** I’m on my way

Sophia loved the way Dana never asked her unnecessary questions, like _why can’t you sleep_? Cause most of the times she knew the answers, and when she didn’t she waited for Sophia to answer them on her own terms, when she felt comfortable.

It was 20 minutes later that Dana heard knocking on the door, it was soft, and if there were any noises she would have missed it. On the other side of the door, she found a tall blonde with a long bouncy hair, leaned on the door frame, breathing heavily.

 “Your elevator doesn’t work.”

“So you decided to run five flights of stairs?” she asked with a smirk on her face.

“I wanted to check how much time will I need to get to here”, Sophia took another heavy breath, “You know, in case I ever have to run from zombies”, she finally smiled.

Dana took a long hard look at the person standing in front of her, Sophia was wearing a dark red sweater with black skinny jeans and red sneakers, her emerald eyes were partially hidden behind blonde hair and she was smiling brightly, Dana chuckled, “you really are a child sometimes”, and then she stepped aside to let the other woman in. Her apartment smelled like vanilla, coffee and milk. It looked so peaceful, so bright; to Sophia it looked like a safe haven.

“I need to shower, and then we can eat.” Dana walked to her room, followed by a visibly sleepy blonde.

“I’ll entertain myself with a book while you are in the shower”, Sophia said while kicking off her sneakers.

Twenty minutes later Dana got out of the bathroom and found Sophia sleeping in her bed. Huge smile rose on her face, the blonde looked so peaceful, almost like a kid wrapped between red sheets with hair across her face and a book next to her. Dana quietly left the room looking for paper and pen so she could leave a message to a person sleeping in her bed.

“ _You occupying my bed is becoming a regular thing, not that I mind. Breakfast is in the microwave, but I’m sure I’ll be back before you wake up. - Dana_ ”

* * *

 

Dana was entering her front door when the strong smell of chocolate hit her nose, and she could hear Sophia singing in the kitchen. Redhead slowly took off her heels and jacket and quietly followed the sound of the smoky voice. The blonde was in one of Dana’s big sleeping shirts, barefoot, with hair pulled up in a messy ponytail; she sang and slowly swayed to the rhythm of her own voice while chopping vegetables.   

“How long are you planning on watching me?” Sophia said with a smile on her face not looking up.

“How do you do that? I was so quiet!” Dana stated while pouting.

“You are wearing that perfume I bought you, I didn’t hear you, I smelled you”, blonde explained with a smirk on her face.

“You can smell anything other than chocolate? Really?” Dana asked with her eyes still fixed on the half naked form of her best friend.

 Sophia just nodded, “I’m sorry I fell asleep on your bed. You should have woken me up.”

“Nonsense, you need to sleep, whether you wanted to admit it or not you still are a human being, and we need to rest once in a while”, Dana concluded. Her eyes still roamed over the pale skin, and she could distinguish the scar under blonde’s knee from the tattoos that spread all over her right leg.  

They ate in a comfortable silence, just enjoying each other’s company, not feeling the need to fill space between them with words. It was always like that, since the day they met in the park all those years ago, and started kicking a ball. A lot has changed in their lives since then, cities away from home town, and miles away from families, they still kept that unspoken connection between them. Something that can’t be described can’t be seen and it’s only experienced by two of them, that bond far beyond friendship, stronger than blood ties and deeper than love, that bond that made them feel safe and grounded.

* * *

“Read to me” Dana said with a soft voice “I always loved the way you read. Your voice makes words alive” and she smiled timidly.

“Where did you stop?”

Dana handed her a book and Sophia looked her questionably before saying “Really? This one? Don’t you want to read it on your own?”

Dana shook her head “No, who could better interpret the story, you wrote it. Please”, she said pleadingly.

“Fine, give me the damn book.” Dana handed over a book and sat down next to her friend, snuggling up to her. Sophia cleared her throat and started reading. 

It starts with dedication “to the One that keeps me sane”.

_“It came to life trough noise - loud guns and explosions – hesitation woke up in my mind, doubt that maybe, just maybe this is not where I belong. It left too quickly for me to even question it. But still I remember that feeling that I would rather be somewhere else._

_That night kept being loud, drowning my own thoughts in the racket. I wrote about it like it was the best melody ever written by a man’s hand, played by an orchestra of weapons. And in the morning it dawned to me that many of last night musicians are not alive, so many of them drowned in music that war brings._

_Then I thought about home, and not about my house by the beach, no, that place is so quiet and there I can’t sleep. I was thinking about the room, with a big bed in the middle, room that’s in touch with loud streets of New York. ”_

Sophia read for what it seems like hours, pages were lining up and soon she realized she read half of her book out loud. She looked at Dana, whose head was gently leaning on her shoulder while carefully listening to her voice. So she continued reading, regarding the fact that it was long past bedtime.  

“ _We woke up tangled in each other, arms and legs intertwined, her breath tickling my neck and my fingers in her hair. It’s strange being here, on the peaceful side of peace, where people don’t know how hard some souls are working to stop the war, to end violence, to stop ragging and chaos. It’s strange being in the bed, in the warm and light room, having electricity and water, being able to go wherever you want to. But the strangest thing is waking up next to her. We haven’t seen each other for three years and it took one night to remind me how wonderful it is to be home. Home … there’s the reason why we all want or dream of having one, it’s a place of comfort, creativity, freedom and understanding._ ”

“I’m sorry that you had to experience that kind of suffering” Dana interrupted in one moment.

“I’m not, we don’t realize how good we have it, and how small things that we don’t notice could make life wonderful”, Sophia closed book and took Danas hand in hers, “I’m glad you don’t have to experience that kind of suffering”.

Feeling the grief rising in Sophia’s voice Dana quickly tried to change the topic of conversation.  

 

**PART 2**

“When was the last time you said you love somebody?” she was quiet, not really taking his question seriously, so he continued “You don’t say it. You never do. And not to people, but in general you don’t say the word LOVE”, he stated while staring at the ceiling, not even trying to look at blonde lying down next to him.

“I told you twenty minutes ago…” she got interrupted, “That doesn’t count! You were in the middle of your post-orgasmic bliss. You would say anything when you are like that, and you said worship not love!”, Ben stated.

And after a while he smiled “It’s okay to show it, but sometimes you just have to say the words so people would know you actually have feelings”.

She frowned at his conclusion and finally moved, turning her head towards him, staring at his smiley face.

“Don’t look at me like that”, said the strong male voice, “Don’t look at me like you don’t know what I’m talking about”.

“I don’t know what you are talking about Ben”, Sophia deflected.  

“You look at me like you are going to break me, like I don’t know what we are”, he turned around and sat up, “You and me, we are simply put fuck buddies; we’ll never be anything more than that. So I don’t need you to love me, or say that you love me. That’s not why I mentioned it. You have all that with someone else.” He got up, pulled on boxers and looked at the framed picture on the table “See? She is the one you take to any event that requires plus one, she is the one you cook for, talk to, she is your emergency contact”, he continued, pointing at the photo of Dana and Sophia, “she is the closest thing to relationship you’ll ever have”.

“Why does it feel like you are judging me right now?” she said, getting up and putting on a T-shirt.

“I don’t!” he quickly replied. 

“Then I don’t know what you are talking about.” she deflected again, “Dana is my best friend”, there was certainty in her voice that made Ben almost back out of this conversation.

“Do you pine over all of your friends?” he knew that this was a dangerous territory, Sophia was never the one to talk about her feelings, and sometimes he thought she didn’t have any. But if pushing her in the right direction might make her happy, he will do it. He just wanted for her to be content, they became friends somewhere between their sexual encounters and now, so Ben felt the need to help Sophia be happy, even if that meant just pushing her in the right direction.

“We are not talking about this.” Her voice was serious and cold; it made Ben freeze for a moment. “Now if you are done analyzing my life come back to bed, I’m up for another round.”

He knew this banter was over so he just obeyed without a word, and threw his boxers off, slowly crawling back to bed.

 

**PART 3**

“So Jake wanted to ask you out.” Anna said nonchalantly, not taking her eyes off her phone.

“Why? How do you know that?” Dana was confused, Jake has been just a colleague, she didn’t think he liked her any other way, and after all it was a known fact that Dana is gay, she never hid it.

“He popped by my office to ask me for advice. I told him you were gay and in love. He looked embarrassed, but I saved him from further confusion by…”

“I’m in love? Really? You couldn’t just say I’m gay and that’s it, you had to go and make up things, you know I’m not fond of lies.” Dana fussed.

Anna just looked up from her phone, trying to figure out why is her sister trying to hide her feelings. “Lies? Oh baby, I know you are in love with Sophia, so you can cut the act.”

“I am what?!” Dana stopped in the middle of the step and turned around to face Anna. “I AM NOT IN LOVE WITH SOPHIA!” She said word by word very clearly, as if she was trying to make Anna believe her.

“You really are going to stand there, with that look on your face, look me in the eye and lie to me? You are a bad liar, so stop trying.” said older redhead while putting her phone down and looking straight up at her sister.

Dana frowned, and looked down at her fidgeting fingers, “How long?” she whispered.

“How long what?” Anna spoke peacefully not wanting to scare her sister even more than she was, “For a while, but I was completely sure when you broke off the engagement”.

Dana sat down on a sofa across her sister, not knowing what to say, how to explain.

“What I don’t understand is why you didn’t tell her, or just tell me. It would be easier to talk to somebody”, Anna continued talking since Dana was still speechless.

After clearing her throat Dana just whispered, “I don’t know”.

“You think she is not the right person for you? Don’t you?”

Dana just nodded, still not looking up.

“Care to explain that? Or should I explain it to you?” There was a silent pause “No, let me. I want to tell you what I think this is all about. You are scared out of your mind. Petrified because she is not mathematically the perfect one, she doesn’t fit in those columns of yours. She is not a professor, she is not into mathematics or biology or any kind of science really. You are terrified because she is not typical.” Anna got up and slowly approached her sister.

Dana was still sitting down, not moving, not looking up, and trying to stop tears from showing.

“You’ve been with girl that fit every single of your insane standards, and you did what? The moment she came back home, you ran back to her, with some weak excuse, you ran back to Sophia because you know she is the only one you want to be with D.”

Anna kneeled beside her sister, took her hands and softly spoke again “I hate to see you so sad D, so broken. You don’t let it show, but I know, I’m your sister, damn it! I know!”

Dana finally looked up, eyes filled with tears she barely stopped, and when she noticed the concern in her sister's eyes she started crying. Anna hugged her tight, and they stayed like that, in the middle of the living room, with sobs that bounced off the walls.

“She will never know this. Promise me you won’t say a word to Sophia.” Dana pleaded.

“I won’t say a word, I swear. But you should D.” Anna hugged her sister even tighter “It’s just your luck to fall in love with the most commitment phobic person on the face of this planet.”

Dana chuckled “Well, everything else I did according to a plan, it was bound to happen, I had to fail some aspects of my life.” Her voice was raspy from crying.

* * *

 

After her conversation with her older sister Dana decided to give herself time away from Sophia. Maybe the distance between them could help her gain some emotional stability, could help her mind, body and spirit regroup, and maybe, just maybe she could stop feeling guilty all the time for falling in love with her best friend.

A day became a week, a week of constant excuses, not replied messages, avoided calls, a week that didn’t help even the slightest. Dana still felt like her body is a fresh wound, everything hurt, and time she spent with other people was spent feeling culpable for stay away from the person she wanted to be with the most.

It's been 10 days since they have seen to each other and Dana was starting to crumble, her mind was telling her that she needs to stay strong, to stay focused on other things, other people in her life, but everything else in her body was telling her to just pick up a phone and call her blonde friend. And she did just that, she picked up a phone fingers hovering over Sophia’s name but soon she found another number in a phone book and pressed the call button. 

“She is nice and polite, well educated and funny. You can’t find anything wrong with her.” Dana didn’t even wait for Anna to say something; she needed to get these words out before they make her insane, “that is until you get to know her better. Because then you notice she uses charm and intelligence to avoid questions she doesn’t want to answer. She can talk for hours and still not say a thing. She is guarded, leery. And she can care deeply; she just doesn’t care for a lot of things…” she stopped, breathing heavily, tears started running down her cheeks, that’s when Anna first spoke. 

“But you know her. You know the real her. Person beneath that cocky exterior and _wide range_ _vocabulary._ ”

“And that’s why I love her”, Dana concluded. “What’s wrong with me Anna? I can’t seem to shake this feeling of guilt away, can’t seem to compartmentalize things I feel for her.” 

Anna felt her heart clench from her sisters words, she hated feeling unable to help, she hated Sophia sometimes, even though she knew their friend wasn’t the one hurting her sister, or at least she wasn’t hurting Dana on purpose. So she did the only thing she could do, she whispered calming words to Danna until the younger redhead stopped crying.

 

 

**PART 4:**

Sophia was on the floor of her bedroom, arms and legs spread apart, she made a human looking starfish. The sound of the piano was coming from her stereo and only moving thing in the room was a tale of her Husky puppy, which was cozily lying in the middle of her bed.

10 days, it’s been 10 days since she last saw Dana, and normally a week and a half is not a lot _if you are half way across the globe_ , Sophia thought. She knew the redhead was avoiding her; she just couldn’t locate a reason for that.

Deciding that she might be overreacting Sophia decided to take care of a long overdue trip to her hometown. So she packed and head for the airport, leaving Boomer in Bens custody.  

* * *

 

It has been raining whole day long and traffic jam was getting bigger and bigger with each minute. It took her two hours to get from the airport to her destination. But as soon as her eyes meet freshly cut grass and nicely painted walls she felt tingling inside.

The house looked bigger. The front porch was now looking way better than before. Wooden fences were freshly painted; the house had new windows and new dark wooden doors.

Sophia felt happy, sad, scared all at the same time, the more she stood there, on the front porch of her childhood home the more she lacked air. Her lungs felt like they were made out of concrete and her heart almost stopped beating. After what it seemed like an eternity, she raised her hand and knocked on the door.

The doors flew open and blue met the emerald, gray met with yellow, a hug, a yelp and so many moments later the old lady finally spoke “God, it’s really you”. She grabbed Sofia by her shoulders and held her tight looking at her with disbelief.

“You are really here”, it came more like a question than a statement, “I lost my faith in seeing you ever again long time ago, my beautiful girl”.

Sophia just stood still, taking in an image of her mother’s face, the face she hadn’t seen in 20 years. They entered the house, and sat down, not talking, just staring at each other.

“Mother”, Sophia finally spoke, hearing her own voice cracking.

Again they stared, waiting for the other one to speak first. Gray haired lady lastly decided to break the silence.

“Not that I mind, but what are you doing here Sophia?”

“This is a long overdue visit, don’t you think?” she looked at her mother questionably.

“It sure is. You’ve punished me for twenty years”, the lady said with a somber voice. 

“Punishing you? I was 15 mom. 15 years old when you kicked me out. You remember that, don’t you? Me telling you I like girls, you telling me I was a sinner. Mom, I was a child, confused, scared child. And all I needed was for you to help me understand the world no matter how crooked or broken it was. But you just disappeared, skipping all of my frustrations, doubts, my failings and then one day you decided to show up, so many years later. That’s too many years too late mom. I don’t need you now. Now I have my life all figured out. Lack of visits was not because I was punishing you, it was because I really stopped caring so many years ago”, blonde jumped off her seat and paced through the living room.

“So why are you here then? To accuse me of being a terrible mother? To make me beg you for forgiveness?”

Sophia shook her head NO while her mother spoke, “Then why did you come here?”

“I didn’t do it to get into Heaven, or to avoid Hell. I didn’t do it because it’s a right thing to do. Never wanted to be anything more than what I am now, or who I am now. I don’t belong to a religion; I don’t need a book to tell me what’s right and what’s wrong. That’s where I have a problem with you. All you ever saw in me was a sin. I was never good enough, mom. I’ll never be. And I’m okay with that, but don’t go and ask me why I don’t call or visit, because you know that you are the reason behind that. I came here just to see you, to make peace with that wondering part of my brain, the one that pondered upon idea of you changing, of you caring for me”, Sophia stated peacefully. “Congratulations mom you broke me, nobody else managed to do it again. So thank you, I guess, you sculpted the part of me, the one that helped me survive this world.”

“I overreacted Sophie, what would you have me say? I can’t say I’m sorry, because I still don’t understand it. I might never understand it. But I love you, I missed you. One hasty mistake and one afternoon cost us twenty years. I beg you not to walk away again”, Sophia’s mother pleaded and slowly walked towards the blonde, gently taking her hands. Sophia stared at their linked hands for a while, then she pulled them up and placed them over her chest.

“It’s still beating, you feel it, I feel it beating”, she said, and the old lady just nodded along, “but that’s all it does, it pumps blood. I can’t love, I cannot trust mother, not after that day. That’s why I came here I guess. To prove myself that I really I’m dead inside.” Her mother let out a sob, looking at the serious face of a daughter she hadn’t seen for decades.  “There’s a person that deserves the world, the one I would gladly be a part of, but I’m so irreparably broken that the only thing I would do if I’m a part of it would be to stain it, make it blue. I don’t want that.”

Lady was now sobbing, she took a long breath, let go of Sophia’s hands and whispered, “You were always running away, you still do it.”

Sophia taken aback by this just shook head and started walking towards the front door, “It’s not running away if nobody is chasing you.” She looked at her mother one more time “Goodbye mother”, and then she walked out.

 

**PART 5**

Back at the beach house, a day after she met her mother Sophia was sitting on the floor; her back leaned on a coffee table and with a glass of vodka in her hand. She was pondering about her childhood, about her father and she couldn’t help but wonder _what if_ , what if he was alive would she be like this, would she be here, _Dana would now say something about the butterfly effect and chaos theory I bet_ , Sophia thought and chuckled. Dana, still not a word from a redhead professor, annoyed with that fact Sophia drowned whole glass of alcohol; she closed her eyes trying to feel it burn her insides. That feeling of fire coming from within her body triggered memories for tipsy blonde.   

* * *

  _They were at the bar drinking, laughing, celebrating._

_“I don’t think I was ever this drunk”, Dana said while giggling._

_“Baby we just started”, Sophia began to laugh, “Baby? Where did that come from?” she said, looking at the bottom of her fifth tequila shot, not waiting for the other girl to respond she continued, “Well do you see someone you like? Pick a girl, any girl, I’m your wingmen tonight and I say let’s get you laid!”_

_“I don’t want to just get laid; I wanna connect with somebody, to feel something more than just… just…” Dana was struggling with finding a right word, “well you know?! I don’t want just sex!” she finally said it._

_“God you sound like an emo chick, love, connection, blah, blah…” blonde made fun of the redhead girl._

_“For someone so happy and imaginative you are the biggest cynic I have ever met, you know that right?”_

_“And for someone who is very proud of her intellectual background and realistic as you, you are the biggest romantic I have ever met.” Sophia returned, “Fuck them all, tonight is just us, let’s drink!”_

* * *

 

_Dana was quietly sobbing while looking at the credits of the movie, she was shaken deeply by the story, and Sophia was sitting next to her with a nose buried deep in the book not paying attention to her friend._

_“How can you sit there and not feel a thing? They were best friends, deeply in love with each other and they died not knowing they could have been happy together.”_

_Sophia looked up from her book and said, “You know real life is somewhere between those romantic comedies you watch and porn.” With that, she hugged Dana and held her tight until redhead stopped sobbing._

* * *

 

Sophia’s eyes shoot open, her mind began to race, and while staring at the ceiling, she realized that Dana loved her, loved her more than a friend should love another friend.  Dana let Sophia comfort her; she let her get her way, she compromised and made plans around blonde’s schedule. Sophia stared at the ceiling, not moving, not blinking, _how could have I miss that, am I that self-involved, why didn’t she tell me, does she not trust me enough to tell me, God, I got to be the worst friend on the face of this planet_ , her mind was fighting itself.   

She looked around the room, found a cell phone and sat down again, this time next to her puppy, “We have to move away, to give her a chance to be happy, don’t we Boomer?” she said out loud while petting the furry friend.

 

**PART 6**

It’s been twenty days since they saw each other and Sophia was now standing in front of Dana’s apartment, gently knocking on her door. She inhaled deeply, filling her lungs with air, she needed it for what she was about to do. Redhead opened the door not really expecting to see her best friend on the other side of it, it took her by surprise. Sophia didn’t wait for her to say anything she just spoke.

“I got a new job.”

“New job? Are you leaving the news?”

“For a while at least. I’m leaving in four days”

“Leaving? Whe…” Dana hurried to ask, but she got interrupted by Sophia’s harsh voice.

“It doesn’t matter. They needed а reporter with experience, I applied.”

“Please tell me you are not going to the place I think you are going. Please.” Dana pleaded.

“I just wanted to let you know. Since I haven’t really seen you for almost a month.” Said the blonde, ignoring her friend’s question.

“I’ve been busy” Dana replied, not really convincing Sophia with that excuse.

“I have known you for 25 years; you have never been that busy. You are avoiding me. And I don’t know why, but still you are my best friend and I wanted to tell you myself… Ben insists on making a going away party day after tomorrow. I hope you’ll come.”

She walked away, without goodbye, leaving still silent Dana behind.

* * *

 

“She is leaving again” Dana said, standing at her sister's front door with teary eyes.

“Oh honey” Anna just hugged her tight and let her enter the apartment, closing the door behind “Tell me what happened”.

Dana sat down and wiped her nose, trying to stop tears, and she spoke with a shaky voice, “She took a job, she invited me to a bon voyage party the day after tomorrow” and again she started crying.

“God D, you have to tell her. I’m begging you. This is killing you.” Anna knelled in front of her crying sister like many times before. “Honey she needs to know, you need to get that off your chest.”

“And tell her what?!” Dana screamed, “Hey, I love you, don’t go, I wanna be with you.” She chuckled “That sounds funny when I say it out loud…” She got quiet for a moment, sniffling in her sister’s arms. “She dated a stunt master, tattoo artist and a fucking porn star! And, and, and… I would never ask her to leave her job, to put anything above it.”

“Well dated is a strong word. She is my friend as well D, I might not know her like you do, but I know her well enough, and those “dates” were merely sex arrangements.” Anna tried to reason with her sister.

**PART 7**

The party started off as any other party, lots of people, music, drinking. They were all chatting, enjoying the view. The party was at Ben’s place and as every guy’s apartment it was equipped with the best stereo system and video games. Soon many people were playing guitar hero or some other geeky game. Sophia watched them enjoy themselves, she felt happy, satisfied, this night was more for them than it was for her. They rarely have a chance to gather everybody they are friends with and share a nice and pleasant evening.

* * *

 

Dana knew she would be there, on a rooftop of the building, watching stars, finding peace and quiet. Sophia loved parties, huge gatherings of people, mingling, chatting, dancing, drinking, but sometimes it all got too much, too bright, too loud. That’s when she would retreat for a few minutes just to steady her thoughts. Dana knew her too well; she knew where to find her, on the rooftop, near the edge, the blonde stood with a glass in her hand, looking up in the sky. Slowly, Dana approached and put a hand on Sophia’s back.

“The first time you left it took me six months to make myself watch a movie, any movie, because that was our thing, our routine. I stopped going to a places we went, because those were our places. And then two years later when you got back home it was so easy to fall back into that, our things, our friendship. Again, you left, and it was even harder, but I had work, papers to write, students to teach and I did, they took my mind of the things I missed about you. The third time you went away, I was already used to it, it hurt, I missed you, but I had a way of dealing.” Dana spoke slowly, afraid that her words might betray her. “When my phone rang that morning, 5 months and 11 days after you left I was petrified that I’ll never see you again. And then seeing you in that white hospital bed, right there I promised myself that if we ever get a chance to have a routine,  I won’t run from it, I'll cherish it, cause I love you Sophia even when you leave, even when your actions almost get you killed. I love you. I always will.”

“I’m sorry” Sophia replied, not taking her eyes of the sky.

“No you are not. It’s who you are. Who you’ll always be.”

They stood there, in the middle of the night, not looking at each other, each of them hiding something. But even in silence they gravitated towards one another, so soon their hands intertwined and they were hugging.

“Have you ever thought about dying? About just stop being?” Sophia asked all of a sudden.

“Yes.” Dana whispered “Don’t we all think about that?”

“There were days that all I could think about was dying. Not being, not existing. I found those thoughts strangely calming.”

“What?”

“Well, in death there is nothing. Nothingness can’t hurt you, can’t break you, can’t make you happy or sad, it’s just nothingness, void, blackness. Not feeling doesn’t scare me. But the fact somebody might miss me, that make me sad beyond words. I think most people are more afraid of leaving people behind than the death itself.” Blonde explained. It was her way of saying she feels some kind of saddens for leaving, but she would never admit that out loud.

* * *

 

Dana and Sophia re-entered the party, leaving behind a moment they shared on the rooftop. The redhead went around talking with people while Sophia leaned on a bar, having a drink and watching her friends enjoy themselves. Ben approached her.

“She doesn’t like me.” He said.

“Don’t be silly, why wouldn’t she like you. You are a likable guy.” The blonde smiled politely.

“To her I’m a guy that sleeps with her best friend.”

“So what? You are not the first one.” She said teasingly “And surely you are not the last one.”

“I feel so special now S. You know how to make a guy blush.” He stuck his tong out and mocked her.

“Why do you care about her liking you? We are not dating, and you guys barely spend any time in the same place. You don’t see me fussing about your friends not liking me. And I’m moving so you’ll probably never going to see her again”

He looked at her and with the most serious tone he asked her “So you are really moving? Like selling the house, buying a new one on west coast moving?”

Sophia nodded, not taking her eyes of her best friend that was laughing at something one of their friends has said.

“It’s really far away Sophie, I’ll miss you”, he said.

“Don’t get emotional on me buddy”, the blonde replied and gave him a friendly hug “I’m gonna go and mingle with people.” She said and strolled off into the living room.

 

PART 8

Two days before Sophia had to leave her house looked empty; boxes were filled with things ready for shipping. Only things unpacked were her laptop and coffee maker. She was playing with Boomer in the empty space where her piano used to be when somebody knocked on the door.

Dana looked gloomy, pale, she gave a sad smile to Sophia and without a word she entered.  Boomer jumped around her feet, making her smile a little, a real smile not that practiced one.

Sophia decided, _it’s now or never I have to tell her, have to explain to her_. She cleared her throat so she could get redhead’s attention and when their eyes met she started talking.

“My dad used to say that he loves me more than coffee. As a child, I always thought that’s not enough so I would go sit by the door and pout until he told me he loves me the most in the world. Now, well now I get that he really loved me more than anything in the world.”, she made a pause to collect her thoughts and steady her shaky hands.

“That’s how I love you, I love you more than a perfect cup of morning coffee, more than my favorite song, more than trophy winning game of my favorite team, I love you more than a storm after long and hot summer.” She stopped, looked up and finally said “I love you more than my job.” She took a deep breath and continued “All those things combined cannot begin to describe what I feel for you, how deeply I feel for you. Cause in all my life I never thought I’ll be able to love somebody the way I love you.”

“That’s not enough for you? Is that why you are leaving me?” Dana’s voice cracked and her eyes filled with tears.

“I am leaving because I could never be just yours and you know it. I didn’t lie when I said I love you the way I love you. You would never ask of me to give up my job and I would never quit it on my own.” Blonde explained.

“Would you give it up if I asked?”

“You know I would” Sophia said without hesitation.

Dana chuckled “Well, that’s the thing with the two of us, I would never ask you to quit it.”

“Hug me, I just need to feel peaceful one more time before I leave” blonde said closing the distance between them. Dana hugged her tight and they just stood there, in the middle of the empty house by the ocean.

**Author's Note:**

> These are the parts of the bigger story I’m writing, still I wanted to share them, hope you guys don’t hate it


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